Politically Incorrect Santa 2007

Ho Ho Ho!

Well boys and girls it is time for me to get in my slay and travel hither and thither to give out loot to you all. My slay is not a user of petrochemicals either. Heads up for reindeer poop though. So what do I say to you this year?

You people continue to astonish me. The world is so screwed up and still you want me to give you stuff. Well I admire the pugnacious attitude of entitlement you all seem to be born with. So I will auger in and send you what I can.

Can I ask for something too? Santa is not supposed to ask for anything. I guess I am sick of being the "HO" in HO HO HO. I was looking at all the fat old guys that play me on tv or in the shopping malls. I'd really like them all to loose about 20 pounds. No reason to die of hypertension while pretending to be me. I am so old that I sometimes forget what I was like when I was alive.

I'm Greek you know. I was born in Patara in the 3rd century. Since Patara is in Turkey I guess I am sort of a Grecian~Turk. My mother and father both died in an epidemic. After that I sold what I had and became a priest. I eventually was made the bishop of Myra.

Then the Roman Emperor Diocletian came to power and we Christians were hunted down and either imprisoned and tortured or killed outright. I was picked up by the Romans and imprisoned for a time, along with most of the other bishops. I did not have much fun being tortured by the Romans either. Then Diocletian died and eventually I got out and in AD 325 attended the Council of Nicaea. I died in AD 343.

Of course being a Saint I could not just lounge about being dead. They opened up my coffin and found it to be full of juices; yes I know the "yuck" factor is pretty high. But they thought the stuff had healing powers. Sorry but drinking gunk from a coffin is not something I would do but then again I am dead.

Anyhow after a terrible long count of years here I am all fat and white. I'd like to see some swarthy Turk sitting on a chair in a mall in middle America getting his picture taken with the little kids.

I know I look sort of Talibanish and would probably have homeland security after my ass should I show up in a mall dressed like this but some times I just gotta be ME.

Merry Christmas