Friday, February 25, 2000

Bush Strategy

Bush: Well, my boy, I have some..uhum.. news for you.
Bush II: Yeah dad?
Bush: Yep.
Bush II: What is it dad?
Bush: You suck. I'm sorry, can't sugar coat it for you, you suck. Love to tell you the sun shines out your ass but, can't do it.
Bush II: But?
Bush: Is where the sun doesn't shine, thats right son.

Later that day...

Bush: My little boy here is cut from the same stock as his old man. A man that knows from where the sun shines and where it doesn't.
Bush II: Gosh dad you really can put the right spin on things. Someday will the sun shine out of my ass?
Bush: Don't interupt me boy I haven't fucked up this scentence yet.
Bush II: Don't forget to tout my military background.
Bush: While that limp wrist McCain was relaxing in a hotel in Hanoi, my sonny boy here, during those dark days of the Viet Nam conflict, served his country couragously by garding the strategically important Texas coast from surprise Viet Cong invasion. And hey...Did the commy's invade Texas? I think the facts speak for themselves.

Santa Claus: Speaking for the christmas community I can say that little Georgy was a good little and got an average lot of presents from me. However any rumor as to money that was past from his father to the North Pole I cannot comment on at this time.

Black man: I tell you he tried to rub the black off my skin when I met him. He didn't seem to understand that, as a decendant from an African my skin has a dark cast to it. The guy sucks.

Thursday, February 24, 2000

I Want To Be A Prostitute - Addendum #1

Sounds good to me.

FOX forces the two to stay married. Puts cam's in every room and then follows them on their inevitable downward spiral into marital anarchy.

Through in a couple kids along the way to get abused and we can forget COPS or Scariest chases of the Highway patrol.

Sample show:

Kitchen: Lots of screaming

Wife: I hate you! (Dish flies across room and hits man in head causing severe blood loss)

Child: (Screaming at top of lungs) Mommmmmyyyy!

Man:(Drunk on a fifrth with Blood gushing from above eye) You fucking Cunt!

Wife:I'm a doormat to you! You come home and walk all ov er me. I'm sick of you.

Man: Get out! Take the kids and fucking leave.

Wife: (Spiting the words out while waving an empty bottle of ol #7) Me!? Your the millionaire. Why don't you go to one of those houses you own. Oh yeah there all losers! Loser! I married a...Loser!

Man: ( blood sticking in eyes. Trys to drink last drop in hisown
bottle.) I try godamnit!

Wife: I hate you! (Throughs the bottle against the wall.)

Man takes Colt .32 cal pistol and waves it around while holding his head.

Wife: (Screams and runs from the room.)

Child: (follows)

Man: (Fires the gun.) Bullet goes through the wall of house and kills the neighbors dog.

Man: Oh fuck! Ahhhh, what have I done. (Now sobbing , the tension over)

Wife: Oh baby! Baby baby! (Comes to him and consoles him in her own drunken stupor.)

Child: Daddy alright now?

Man: (sobbing) Forgive me.

Later that night. Bathroom. Sounds of vomitting going on.

Man: (Hugging throne and puking into toilet.)

Wife: (face down on floor of bathroom asleep in her own puke.) Snoaring.

Child: (Sitting on bed waiting for mommy and daddy to come to bed.)

FOX: Oh yeah baby this is gonna sell like hot cakes laced with speed!

What follows is a party political broadcast:

Vote for John McCain.

Wednesday, February 23, 2000

I Want To Be A Prostitute

My opinionated opinion:

The lady who married a guy on TV just because he had some weird realestate deals worth a million is nothing but a prostitute. Now, after realising she made a "questionaable decision" she wants an annulment. NO shit Sherlock. FOX has sucken to yet another low in its quest to find the bottom of the septic tank. I saw poll in which nearly 25% of respondents said they would marry for money alone. What a bunch of fucking morrons.

Monday, February 21, 2000


My Dearest Jeffy,

Can't talk now...bowels constricting.....head hurting.....brain brainulating! At the moment I have an iron in the fire that wieghs in at a million pounds and I am having much difficulty manuvering it. Don't know yet if I can heft it to the anvil or not. If so I might be out of club, cashed out that is. Might need all available money for moving the iron. Very complicated now. Brain surgeon deep inside head....steady...steady! Turn that fucking Berry Manilow music off!

Question: Can we dig a 400 foot trench ourseleves? How deep does it have to be? (Mike this is not the hole but infact a trench of the p-line) The term feasability study came swimming up from the depths of the planning office like some black beast bent on eating the flesh of the man child. Can't talk now... bowels constricting.....head hurting.....brain brainulating!

Sincerely yours,

Thursday, February 17, 2000

Timeline - Addendum #1

The top dude would not have come down with the plague so fast. His immune system would have a 600 year jump on the black death. He is from European stock so his ancestors obvioulsy were part of the population that survived the stuff.

Wednesday, February 09, 2000


Check out iFilm. This is where our movie, if we ever make one, should end up. This site got talked about on NPR today. Sony Pictures is cramming 30 million in venture cap into this site alone. It doesn't cost a dime to add a film to the site. And who knows?


Monday, February 07, 2000

Politics 2000 - Addendum #2


I am not sure if there will even be a NONE OF THE ABOVE area to check on a national election ballot. And again I think this falls into the "not voting at all " catagory for you are in fact not casting a vote for anyone. If there is a catagory for that kind of vote I am sure it will be noted on Comedy Central and other such networks. Yet unless the NONE OF THE ABOVE number is huge, which I would wager 100% of my retirement income that it wont be larger than 1%, then it will be ignored by all parties and politicians.

I wish I could offer a solution to your dilema. I too wish candidates could be more forthcoming as to what their agends areally are. But agendas don't really make much difference in the long run because events tend to dictate the current agenda. Right now candidates have a pretty easy time with economic issues because the overall economic situation is pretty good.

I think that the current pantheon of Presidential wannabies is quite varried. Of course as time goes on and the money runs out the wierdos drop away. Forbes won't drop because it's his money and what the hell else is he gonna waste his time at? The three that will go the distance are Gore, Bush, McCain, Bradley. If you just look atr the money then Bush is the winner because he has the bucks. But I beleive Bush won't win shit because...well...the guy just isn't that likeable a person. He looks, acts, and talks like his daddy but has none of his daddy's freindliness and that, I hope, is saying a lot.

Gore might win just because the voters are so damned lazy and want to believe that him and Bubba are responsible for the current state of economic affairs, which of course they are not. IF it is Gore vs. Bush then Gore is going to win. If however it is Gore vs. McCain then I think that Gore is outta there. McCain can talk better than Gore, is more animated than Gore; this isn't saying much since the Pirates of the Caribean are more animated than Gore.

Bradley is too dumpy looking to be President. I am sorry but appearance coutns too damn much these days. His ideas aren't bad, I am all for a better healthcare system. But unless he's..I don't know...God or somebody like that he's nothing but a monkey fucking a football. The Healthcare industry is still too powerful to allow any real reform. Let the class action suits come against the HMO's and see what the fall out is going to be over that. Besides the solution will have to come from the ground up, fromhe people getting screwd over. A President has to simply wait in the wings and charge in after the problem is solved by the people. And that is okay since the people usually come up with good solutions.

Of all the dudes running McCain is the only that comes accross as a regular guy. I like his humor, I like the fact that he takes politcally risky stances on issues. He has as much as said that he wants to reform the Republican party and doesn't think much of the narrow minded conservatives that have tried, in vain ha ha ha, to keep him off some states ballots, like NY. The guy is running against the dolts in office and at the same time against enemies in his own party. And still he is going at it. In the early 1900's the Democrats were the party of the old south, they were reationary, biggots that supported Jim Crow laws and poll taxes to keep blacks from voting. They didn't want women to vote. What happened to them? Franklin Roosevelt that's what happened to them. Here is a guy who wanted to run as a republican in NY but was told that he'd be slaughtered so he registered as a Democrat. It was from his time on that the Democrats went ass over tea kettle from reactionary biggots to lefty's demanding the end to segregation and the implementation of Affirmative action. This is of course grossly simplifiying a complicated set of circumstances but there you go. I am not saying that John McCain will be another FDR. I am saying that if a candidate can win in McCain's position it shows remarkable political skill on his part. The Ronald Regan annalogy also springs to mind.

Now ol' Ron is not doing to well but hell he was Pres so I don't feel ashamed of saying that the guy sucked. But his campaign was also not given much chance early on either. It was personal power that he eminated that got his machine working. It wast spin or money it was his own desire and determination. In the end that is what gets people elected. Clinton was the same way, however with him he took window dressing to a knew height. I fell fot it. But I am not falling for false shit this time. I have determined that I have to look at the guy's actions, past and present, to see if he has my vote. How does he react when the ckips are down? What's he done with his life? McCain is not a movie star, he isn't slick. He thinks the defense budget is too big and there are too many wastful programs in it. He, at the very least, is talking about campaign finance reform.

I think that if I had paid a little more attention to what Bubba had done in his past life I would have htought twice about voting for him. Howeve I glossed it over as "ancient history" forgetting the fundemental truth that the present is built on the past. How a man acts when he is twenty or thirty goes a long way toward tellling me how he will act now. If he was a back stabbing political opportunist when he was young I doubt if he has under gone any soul altering since then. Beware a polotician that tells you he is so sorry about what he did to his wife and family when he was younger.

I hope you actually vote for a real person. YOu have to big of a brain to let it spill it's cyber seed on rocky ground.

Thursday, February 03, 2000

Politics 2000 - Addendum #1

The fact is that the guy the majority of people vote for will be President. Making unilatteral statments about all of them being evil and then doing litterally nothing about it is rather silly. However you are doing exactly what the large parties want you to do. They would love nothing better than to have as few people vote as possible. It makes things much easier for them. For a mater of fact that is why so many candidates talk about issues that you don't think are important. They count on the party faithful to come out and vote, not you. If more people voted then they would have to pay more attention to what those people want. By not voting you, and millions like you, are not helping the cause of broader political debate. It is as if you think that by not participating the governement will stop one day and say "By golly those people are mad. We should do somethin about that!" Except that they won't listen to you because you people aren't saying anything. By not voting you are telling them that you are pleased as punch with the way things are going. No changes neccessary. The only people they listen to are people who write letters to them and vote and are politically active enough to get in their faces at rallies and party meetings. Oh sure money helps a lot in this nation, the more money the better the message gets through. But in the end, after all the doe is counted, it is the vote that they really need. If you are running for President and you end your race with a million in the bank and only 20% of the vote while your rival is broke but has 60% of the vote then you are not going to be President, the broke guy is. You won't be implementing tax policy, the broke guy will. So a vote counts.

The only way to get these guys to talk about issues you are interested in is to vote and get politically involved. It is a self fullfilling prophecy not to vote. By not voting you are gaurenteed to be presented with leaders you don't like. It makes you mad so you don't vote, and so on. As for them all being evil that is a sophomoric attitude to take. All the people running are just that, people. They have all the emotions you have, all the lusts, flaws, and desires for acceptance and love. The one thing they all have that most of us don't have is a giggantic ego. But that is no sin. I would put it to you that there has NEVER been a president without at a heurculean ego. In order to seek national offfice you need an ego that is big enough to allow you to think that you can do the job, and thick enough to take all the pounding by your political rivals. As far as the Presidency is concerned, no soft spoken shy dudes need apply. I am voting for John McCain. I do not agree with all his stands but on the whole I think he is the most honorable man for the job; Cetainly more honorable than Bill Clinton or GW Bush, the billion fat cat Forbes, or the moralistic looneis to the right.

Politics 2000

Okay so where do I stand on the Presidential race for 2000? Here goes:

  1. Under no circumstances will I vote for GORE. He could be anonted by angels fromon high and I would not vote for him. The guy is part of the Clinton machine and I see no use of keeping that thing in power. I like Gore, I think he is ethical and a good man. His politics, though not very activist, are not bad. I think the country would do fine with him. But him and his party won't get the time of day from me since they collapsed into an ethical black whole deffending that peice of shit I voted for. That poor decision-making, bad-judgment, very-big-liar.
  2. Third party candidates. Until we have real campaign finance reform these parties mean, no disrespect intended, absoultly nothing. It would be a cold day in hell when a thrid party candidate wins a national election. Furthermore third party candidates run the gambit too, from weirdo wrestlers and billionaire oil men, to fascist Hitler wanabies. That is not to say there aren't loads of good people out there running under thrid party banners. On local, township and state level elections third party people can win. But on the national level they might as well stick their heads in a pig. We need 100% public financing of elections with equal air time mandated by law. This ain't gunna happen anytime soon.
  3. In my opinion personal integrity is important but more so is the ability to sacrifice ones own self interest for the good of others. The only candidate who has shown that he is cabable of such behavior is John McCain. Though I do not agree with all his political stands he is the only person running who has, through action, shown me that he is capable of leadership. It is not just that he was shot down, tortured and spent five years as a POW. It was that when he was offered the chance to leave, he chose to stay a POW until all the men he was imprisoned with were released. That is courage.

So my pick for 2000 is John McCain.