Monday, May 22, 2000

The World Is Not Enough

(1-10......gets -550 billion on general scale)

Bond Scale( 1-10.....Gets a 5)

If you could view the score I gave for this movie in 3-d it would be so small that you would need a scanning electron microscope to see it. Or maybe that couldn't view it either. Physicists would be using quantem mathematics to hypothesize of its existance based on how it's potential existance may, or maynot, interfere with larger particals, such as..I don't know say sub-atomic nuclei. This film was really hokey. The bad-line-o-meter, back in operation after months of rebuilding thanks to Lost In Space, was instantly vaporized at the end of the film when Bond says to his girl of the moment, named Christmas Jones, " I thought Christmas comes only once a year." Blech! However Bond films can be terrible and at the same time rudely entertaining and this was that.

13th Warrror


I can't remember if I wrote a review of this movie but I was thinking of both American Beatuy and 13th Warrior so here we goe. This move is one of the best barbarian movies ever made. It is a great story of Vikings. It has an intelligence to it that floored me. If this movie had been a foreign import with sub titles it would have been hefted into the catagory of films by likes of Akira Kurosawa. Visually it had a great primordial look to it. The sets were proper for the period as were most of the costumes, some license being taken with armor. Another nice part about this films was that so many characters were played by people of the proper ethnicity. Old king Hrothgar (Same king as in Beowulf?) was played by Sven Wolter. Antonio Banderas came off well as an arab. The story has mild Beowulf overtones to it; a wayword warrior and his band have to return home to fight off a mysterious force that is terrorizing Hrothgar and his men at night. The force in this fiom is not a single monster and his mother but a host of thousands of canibalistic cave dwellers. This sounds kind of campy but it is pulled off in a scary realistic way. This film is the best Michael Chriton book-to-film thingy that has been made.

American Beauty

"To die, to sleep --
To sleep, perchance to dream, ay there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause; there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life."
-William Shakespeare,

Oh crap now John Gielgud is dead. Not many left from that godlen age of English theatre. Not many at all. Here is a photo of the big three. All having "shuffled off the mortal coil" [Image] Gielgud, Olvier, and Richardson.

I hope that heaven has a place for performing arts.

Now onto other matters:

American Beauty, (1-10.......gets a 5)
Why did this film win all those awards? It is a basically just another in a long line of "suburban family goes nuts" movies. The only saving grace was that this film had an end to it. It was unrealistic with cahracters that needed little in the way of passion or ability. The creepy voyer-dope dealer was the best character in the film. Kevin Spacey I really like as an actor, however his character was so badly developed an d thrown together that I had trouble choking down his story. There was no event that lead up to his transformation from dweeb to dynamo; unless you count smoking pot behind the resturant with voyer-dope boy.

Friday, May 19, 2000

Vader aye

How the hell can I be scared of Darth Vader when I am given the knowledge that he is a Canadian!? I can imagine the scene in the Daeth Star in Episode 4 when Vader is talking to Motti and Tarkin:

Vader: "Don't be to proud of this technological terror you constructed..aye"

However if you have a copy of the original art of star wars check out one of the cartoons in the back. The one showing Vader as a goalie in a hocky game, pretty fucking prophetic if you ask me.

The maple leaf that is going to play Anakin MrkII is 19 and so can have legitmate sex with Portman and thus cause all hell to break loose. I am hoping for a couple of NC-17 scene's. I think a couple full frontal shots would really jaz up the whole saga.

Reading some of the QA shit on the star wars sight makes me wonder about the overall sanity of people who dig star wars. I mean, I do, but I could care less about the origins of Boba Fett. Yet this is a big deal. Why? The dude says one line in Empire and gets KO'd early on in Jedi andthere are people who really give rats ass about the guy? I suppose the next QA will be about the origins of the Ugnaut that was playing with Threepio's head. How about Greedo? At least that guy had a decent chat with a major cast memeber.I'd like to think that he was the grown up version of the little one that hung out with Anakin when he was a slave-boy.

Another telling sign in the Episode II stuff I read was that the production was gearing up to get started in the next couple of weeks. In another paragraph there is mention that nobody has seen a script yet. Typical.

In my own story youngSkywakler has just had part of his leg and most of his left arm blasted away in a space battle. He has had to eject after his fighter slammed, kamakazee style, into a supposed alien battleship. His mentor, B. Kenobi is right on target for loseing control of Skywalker's training. Palpatine has just killed a Jedi on Cursicant. Mace Windu is wondering if he is the only Jedi on the council that has not been under some kind of mind control. Amidala is awaiting the certain doom of her miserable little clod. General Penaka is discovering his own latent Jedi ability, he's really the only steady guy in the story. Jar Jar Binks is no where to be found for his character is too silly. The story is taking on a kind of grizzly nightmare nature, sort of a cross between The Shining, Sixth Sense and Saving private Ryan. The lead character, Mandan Telayni, a personage who will not be around in the next story, so to speak, is at the center of it all and hasn't figured out the real problem yet. He know's who the sith lord is, aka palpatine, but he isn't in a position to do much about it. The really scary part hasn't happened yet.