Monday, December 13, 1999

Tea With Mousillini


This was a very nice movie that kept you on your seat without any people getting wacked by Nazi or Italian fascist bastards. It just kept plugging away. It felt very much like a movie out of the forties, you know, before all the special effects and such-crap.

Sunday, December 12, 1999

LA Confidential

Saw the movie again and it still kicks ass. I never revied this flick.

1-10 rating 9! The only thing that makes it less than a 10 is that ....well I sat here for about five minutes trying to think of a reason it shouldn't be a ten and I can't think of one. So I retracked the prior rating and bequeath to this film the most hallowed rating of 10. Let it be known
hencforth that LA CONFIDENTIAL is a film worthy of being ripped off and copied by lesser film makers, and that it can justifiably become a cultural icon with complete ubiquity.
Ye veryily this film hath achieved hights that few other flicks have attained. Let the makers of this film be forwarned. Others that have tread upon such lofty scales have tumbled from the sumit of cinematic glory to oblivionic ruin. Most recently Quentin T., who made such a
fine film as Pulp Fiction now languishes in film Gehenna to be gnawed on by satan until he realises that he is just a guy who makes movies. Another man who came close to destruction is George Lucas. He was only saved at the last minute by falling into the purgatory of executive producership. So be wacthful and let not your sucess go to your head.

Friday, December 10, 1999


As we end the all the birthdays in the 1900's (21st century doesn't begin until 2001...duh!) I look back and to my amazement I see that all of us have lived through:
Vietnam War (Director's cut with added violence)
  • 7 Presidential Administrations
  • MLK Jr assasination
  • RFK assasination
  • All of the Apollo space program, plus Skylab, space shuttle stuff etc
  • The invention of personal computing
  • Numerous genocides around the world
  • The fall of South African apartide
  • The fall of the Soviet Union
  • The fall of the Berlin wall
  • he world population doubling in our life time from 3 billion to 6
  • The near total eradication of smallpox

And this is just a smattering of stuff. I have often thought about how much the world changed in my grandmothers life. From a world with no phone, car, radio, movies, tv, refridgeration, electric appliances, pandemic plagues of influenze that killed 40 million people and no reliable drinking warter and sewer to the world of today. If our world changes this much by the time we all start hitting 80+ years. Holy crap man! And right now we are running things so it all seems to make sense. But wait until we are in our fifties and my kids start running the world and inventing stuff and not bothering to tell us how things work. They'll take it forgranted that all of us old folks know everything about the world and how it works; wich we won't. We'll watch 4-d hypervision via the global-mind-net, or whatever, and be mistified by the complexity. We'll fake it for our kids. Pretending to know how we fit into the new world. And it'll work for a while. Until they catch us swimming amoungst changling sharks in our naked ignorance and then they too will wonder about how they will see the world when they grow old and are nolonger at the wheels of control.

Tuesday, November 30, 1999


I have come to the determination that there has to be different 1-10 scales for different types of movies. But I am not going to do that becuase that only complicates things. I know that it will fly in the face of most everyone's opinion when I say that between Deep Impact and Armageddan I liked the latter way better. I hate to choke it out but the cast was better, the movie was more exciting, the planetary destruction more up front. The guy that made this flick understood what he was doing. He was making an escapist cliff hanger with no cerebral cortex. At least it was honest. Deep Impact tried to be too deep. It tried to be Schindler's List with a Comet. I know that the story is a completely unrealistc bunch of nonsense but I liked it anyway.

I listened to a sci-fi author a few weeks ago say that unless your story is about a particular piece of tehcnology and how poeple relate to it you should stay away from telling how stuff works. Just through it out there for your audience and let them fantasize how it works. Like the Death Star. Who the hell knows how it does what it does. So what. That isn't part of the story. On a 1-10 scale I give this film a 7.


Outstanding cinematography, Nice music, Good acting, greathore shots, gets a solid 6.

Why? Because the story is weak and the diaogue is one continous pontification after another. Yet again, I had to sit through the illogical agony of watching a movie about a woman who, though she was supposed to be some tough she btich magazine editor, goes all puppy dog stupid when meeting Redford. Redford, like Decraprio in Titanic, knows everthing about everything and spends the film teaching the dumb girl how the world works. What a load of horse shit. No pun intended. It is as credit to Redford that he can take such a pathetic story and make as much out of it has he did.

The Negotiator

Classic example of bad idea done really well. Pretty ho-hum. Gets a solid 4.

Overall impression: Bad dialogue and worthelss plot makes this movie suck. Clean cop is besmirhced by dirty cops, must prove himself clean by taking hostages and throwing grenades. Sorry my disbelief could notbe suspended that long.

Tuesday, November 23, 1999

Star Wars Movie Trailer

Lucas stole Star Adventures movie trailer! It was justlike our old trailer accept all the visuals looked a lot cooler. I am not sure what the hell the movie is about. I mean I know what the movie is about, but the trailer didn't really show me the whole movie. So that being said I must say that the trailer is pretty good. However John's tape overshadowed the trailer to the point where I was snickering under my breath imagining the characters saying the stuff john came up with. John, I want a copy of that to take to work! Trailer gets an 8.

Deeper Impact

I forgot to rate the movie. It falls into the wide see of mediocrity with a 6. It burned my ass that I couldn't love this movie or hate the hell out of it.

Deep Impact

It took two weekends to actually rent this video to watch.

I finally got a it and sat down on the couch to see what it would be like for a comet to slam into the earth. As I havn't seen numerous cometary impacts via cgi in the last few months.

The begining is strong andthen mumbles its tortured way to the point where Freeman admits to a big comet coming to squat on earth. I really didn't like the whole, rather shamless, MSNDC shtick. I can't stand the big events having to be forever viewed by slick corperate media types. The lead actress, whoever she was, should go star in mortuary commercials for all the feeling she portrayed. From an African American standpoint it sucks because they have to wait all the way unitl the end of the world before a black man is elected President. Freeman is of course great, hell I'd vote for him. Duval as old foggy astronut is played nicely. "I love the smell of vented comet gas in the morning. It smells like...extinction." The rest of the cast was ho-hum and un interesting.

Plot: I would have liked it better if the film had the comet hit near the begining of the film and havethe cast deal with their situation form then on. That way the morbid newslady would be gotten rid of much sooner. Nit picking I must ask the question: If several hundred ICBM's could fragment the comet how could 4 500 kiloton bombs do it? And why didn't they just fire a big missle like the ship they had packed to the rafters with 100 megaton hydrogen bombs? I know the answer. The film had to have drama and humanity to it so we had to sit there and watch a very unrealistic attempt to blow a comet up.

In the end ofthe film I was left with a longing for I was hungry. So I got up off the couch and made a sandwich and then read a book and by the time I went to bed I had almost forgotten about the film. Then lay there pondering the unponderable question. Why did Freeman and his administration wait so long to evacuate the cities? He had had months to do that. And how ordered would amilitary be when the vast majority of it's members would be comet food? The whole lottery thing bugged me too. It was glossed over but as I thought about it and how it was handled I found it grossly unfair. The little brat who found the comet gets to go? Why? Just dumb luck? Or politics? In the end I would want a congressional investigation into Freeman and why he had let millions die when he had the foreknowledge of the coming events. I would also sue the sh@t out of the fedral governement for allowing political cronyism to taint the system for who got saved.

Loved the special effects.

Monday, November 22, 1999

Lost in Space

Not to hurt James Cameron but I liked lost in space better than Titanic. Lost In Space gets a 6 on the 1 to 10 scale. The story was better than I expected but still stuffed with so much bad dialogue and over acting that I wanted to hide my eyes. Of particular strangness were the really bad one liners said by the dude who played major West and the chick who played Judy. The story tried to cram too much story into too little dialogue and had no sense of time. Sci-fi moives have a very tough time telling time. Did the movie take place in a single day, week, month? It was difficult to tell.

The visual effects were great and the end credits were more kenetic than the film itself. over all the art direction was superb unitl it came to the planet set dressing. The planet set was not much better looking than the old 60's tv show. Yet I didn't mind it. The campy planet grounded the film with it's TV show past. As did the very badly done cg-alein creature. Stan Winston don't retire your puppet's just yet.

There were also a couple of mundane shots in the begining during the terrorist attack. What saved them was the speed of action.

Lost in Space seemed like a sequal to the 5th Element. Both movies were stylistically similar. Gary Oldman was practically the same character. Of the two films 5th Element was better acted and had a better story.

I was expecting Lost in Space to be a totally lame movie. The more I watched the more I liked the show. I was sitting there on the couch wishing I had seen the movie when I was a kid.

Thursday, November 11, 1999

Starship Troopers

What the f@#k was that!

The bad-film-o-meter exploded due to overheating. This film sucked!

They should lock that forign filmaker guy up and send him to the island of misfit filmakers. My colon produced a hemeroid over this nonsensical piece of crap. I kept feeling like I had to fart and vomit at the smae time.

Where do I start? First of all I have seen lots of films that had a good story done badly. I have seen a bad story done well. This is the worst of all types of films. A bad story done very badly. Lets take a look at the story. Kid nazis go on a genicidal ramapge! The bugs are unhappy that earth is imperialising they space so they hurla meteor at Earth. Instead of Earth saying "Hey! Stop throwing rocks!" The nazi's send a million man invasion force into bug space. This act really shows how pathetic we humans are. Not in the film but as movie makers.

The battle scenes looked like the movie gettysburg with drop ships. No missles, no tanks, no smart bombs, in short no 20th century technology. Only some machine guns and a nuclear hand grenade. What a load of crap! I was rooting for the bugs from the start. I was hoping that the bugs would end up killing everyone.

The special effects were boring and uninteresting. There was no art, no beauty, no nothing. By the timethe movie was over I wanted to physically kick the VCR out the window. I wanted to take the tape and smash it into oblivion. I wanted to scrape every inch of mag tape so that no trqace of the horrid little venture could be salvaged. I quickly sent this tape back to movie rental hell where it belongs.

Yuck. This film gets a 1.


As all of you are prbably well aware I do not get out much. So I have only recently viewed Titanic. But I find that I must review it since it is arguably t he biggest movie of last year, the most expensive movie ever made, and highest grossing film. So here we go:

First of all I think I may have discovered a new law regarding movies. The law states that the size of a movies budget is inverse to the complexity of the story. That is to say that the simpler the story the bigger the budget. Now I do not put down simple stories. Somtimes the simple story is the better story. At times, however, a simple story is a preposterously inept story. Titanic is such a story. The underlying love story is so teeny-bopper, 1 dimensionally sappy, that too make it interesting the filmaker had to spend 200 million dollars and set the pathetic plot amidst the greatest maritime disaster in history.

I sat watching this movie and it just screamed, "I am a mediocre silly-head!" the whole way through. Leonardo the Great came across as just another cardboard cut out American expatriot starving artist that has NO flaws and seemingly knows evrything about everything. I guess
captain Smith should have asked the DeCrapria what he should do about missing icebergs. The only good thing about Leonardos role was that he was killed off.

Kate Winslet's role was another, cardboad, seen-it-a-million-times-before, sort of character. She was the typical, rebellious, suffregate, virgin, who, dispite her desire for freedom from her oppresive hubby-to-be is willing to do everything that Leo tells her. Get this shit! She, after only knowing Leo for two days, is willing to die for him? Sounds like Winslet is pretty co-dependant to me.

Rich people in the movie: One dimensional and completely predicatble en masse. The only good line in the entire movie is said by the guy who played Gugenheim. The ship was going down fast and he was told that the lifeboats were gone. He said, "Give me a brandy." The movie should have had that as a caviat in the opening credits. "Much brandy required to make plot sufferable."

Poor people: Pukingly sterotypical in all their "Drucken-poor-homeless-yet realy-happy-and-wise" behavior. As I watched them drown by the hundreds I felt nothing for them because they
seemed like rabal, the filmaker skillfully striping them of all humanity. Shame on you Cameron.
What's up with Carry Hen? Is she in every Cameron movie? Her lameassed Irish mom ruetine sucked. I kpet waiting for her to cast her kids aside and pull out her pulse rife and attack the biggoted ship-staff with "Lets Rock!"

Treasure Hunting grunts: More gen-xers plucked, along with Paxton, right out of their roles from that great cinematic epic Twister!

Old lady: There's no way in hell I'd drop a daimond like that in the ocean. Obvously the lady cares more about the dead guy she new for a day or so than she does about her daughter or extended family who might use the daimaond to secure the future of the living. But the scene, I guess, was supposed to be some pathetic atempt at a coming-full-circle closure affair.

The special effects: Outstanding! If they crew had put a fraction of the effort into the story as they did into the visuals the film would be great. There were a couple of truely lame green-screen shots, but that was about it. Digital Domain is a kick ass outfit.

As for this film being the biggest thing in movies: I am scared that a film like this is so popular. I know it ws marketed to the late-teen, mid-twenties crowd. But how could they stomach this shit. If the younger generation swallows sewer suasages like this what is to come next? Oh yeah I know, end of the world asteroid or comet movies.

Sorry Mr. Cameron for my, harsh yet completly accurate, review of your film. If your story had been better I would have liked your movie. But it was stupid so that none of the cool ship sinking scenes did much for me.

Monday, September 27, 1999

The Matrix

I finely saw this film and I liked it. I found the story intriguing and it left me with some questoins as to the efficency of the Matrix's system.

For instance the Matirix uses humans as batteries. Okay so this vast machine is built to house human batteries. The problem is a human is not an every-ready. A battery uses a set level of chemical compounds to produce an electrical charge. When the compounds are depleted of charge the battery is dead. With a human it's charge, and heat, only exist while the body takes in energy. It is the act of converting latent energy into heat that poses the problem. In order for the Matrix to use billions of humans as a power source it would have to be expending a vast amount of energy just to keep the humans alive. The process is too inefficient.

Another question I had was why would a computer AI who is running this vast simulation be required to exist in it the way the MEN IN BROWN did. Why not simply isolate the invaders in hermetically sealed room and let them suffocate.

Why was Neo different? What made him have the ability to dodge bullets? He was the chosen one, (I really am getting tired of the messiahanic mumbo jumbo) but why was he the chosen one?

Best part of the movie: Kung foo scene. I liked it.

Worst part: Rotary phone made to dial with a silly gear mechanism, needlessly gothic. Kind ofstupid if you think about it. I makes me think "what a bunch of lazy asses, can't even dial a phone."

Friday, July 09, 1999

Star Wars: The Next

The next installment of Star Wars, my version, will be available for your reading in the comming weeks. I think its going to be called the Chosen One. Althought this title is subject to change without notice. I have taken pains to include several other characters from the previous 3 films and the origin of Han Solo is touched upon. Another character is done away with. Jar Jar Binks, sorry ol', but your history.

The story, in brief, takes place five years after PM. A jedi named Telayni (First name TBA) is ordered by the council to reopen the investigation into the incident on Naboo to determine the identity of the Sith Lord that killed Jinn, if it was a master or apprentice and how the Trade Federation was conected to it. Sounds simple right? This story starts very simply and ends in, what I consider, a very different, yet hihgly charged way. This story would keep the boys and girls at ILM busy for a long time. It would make PM seem quaint. I think that the story is more solid, understandable, complicated, and dramatic, than PM, hence there is no way that it could get made. Even though there are numerous battles, duals, and exciting times, there isn't a lot of video-game-friendly scenes. Any how, you'll get to read it piece by piece in the coming weeks.

Monday, June 28, 1999

Half - A - Life

Did my fellows play at half life? Did those that I hold most dear to my bossom go down to city dark, play at PC games until the birth of Sol did wipe away their game filled eyes with desire for sleep? Oh to be with them in their quest for escaped pleasures of the night.

With thoughts of tedium removed, like thorns plucked from flesh, by the deeds of freindship. Yet I find that such tedium is the result of ones hart straining to be at places other then where it is. And I find less and less of that, like seeing the sun's visiage coming through some vaporus ether. The tedium being reborn as pleasure, as sublimity, offering my spirit a new fimrness on which to stand. These last three years have been some fantastical jounrey, like Aeneas, fleeing the burning Troy, across distressing seas tossed up by gods who wished him ill, only to find himself the layer of the cornerstones of the city of Rome.

So I have struggled to see my life transformed from one thing into another, all the time, not knowing the form it was to take.

Monday, June 21, 1999

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace - Addendum #3

All of Mikes suggestions are first rate. I have also come up with the second Movie plot. It has to meld with the first movie so I work with what I have to work with, which is to say a lot of piddle-dy-diddle-dy stuff.

Ben Kenobi: A wayward Jedi
Anakin Skywalker: A young man who is in love with Amidala and rampantly Brad Pitt (Not Leonardo, that little freak is to...freakish to be Vader in the rough)
Amidala: Same-old- same-old.
Tarquin Telayni: Working for jedi ministry internal affairs (The real main character)

JIA (Jedi Internal Affairs) is brought in to determine the identity of the Sith Lord that killed Jinn and weather or not Maul was a master or Apprentice. The guy who runs the JIA is Tarquin Talayni, a jedi that is gifted with a shit pot load of the force to the point where he is just a
bit crazy. He has unparalleled clairvoyance. He simply has to look at
you to know what your up to. He is also a smart ass, loose canon. What he is not is a robe wearing, flagellant, bent on bland mental pondering. He has a wife and a kid on the way. (Can't a Jedi have a family? ) He marriage is on the skids because he takes his work too seriously. He throughs himself into the problem of the sith lord.

Tarquin interviews all the living players from the last flick. When he comes to the Trade federation chairman he finds that a portion of the chairman's mind is blocked from his view. He suspects that a very powerful being is behind such a block.

He meets Kenobi and Skywalker. he determines that Kenobi is fucked up to try and train Skywalker. Once they hitch up things start to happen. Palpatine is in full knowledge of Tarquin's inquiry. He is also in full knowledge of Skywalkers uniqueness. So he determines to take the young man in. Tatooine is put under martial law on the pretext of cleaning up the Hutt's and jailing the lot of them. This causes the death of Anakins mom. The jedi are in charge of seeing that Tatooine is cleansed of the Hutts. So when security forces (accidentally) brutally murder Anakin's mom he is PO'd at the jedi.

Now Anakin is a in his early twenty's. He is hot and heavy with Amidala.
They are going to be married. All this is put on hold when the mom dies. Chancellor Palpatine tells Skywalker that he'll look into who was responsible for the death. Tarquin becomes convinced that Palpatine is the only being that has benefited from all that has transpired. He convinces Kenobi of the danger and that Skywalker, now and adult, will never be a jedi and could be used to destroy everything. Tarquin tells Kenobi that Skywalker should be killed to save the galaxy. Kenobi, of course, does not do this.

Palpatine, sensing his hand being tipped, decides to physically capture Skywalkewr from the presence of Kenobi, and more, Tarquin Telayni, the only Jedi, save Yoda, that could keep Skywalker form his appointment with Mr. Evil. The end is climatic where Telayni fights Palpatine, force for force, to keep Skywalker away form him. In the end Telayni is killed, but before he dies he places, within Skywalker, a minute force block, like the one Palpatine placed in the Federation chairman, but far more subtle and undetectable. A block that prevents the good from being totally driven from Skywalker. Palpatine thinks that he has one, but Telayni knows better.

Interesting factoids revealed in this movie:
Han Solo is the unborn son of Tarquin Telayni and his estranged wife.

Power points:
Telayni has acidic humor that pokes fun at the Star Wars universe.
Hence we all have some thing to laugh at when we see the film. Humor is a good thing.
All motivations are clearly defined.

Tuesday, June 15, 1999

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace - Addendum #2

Scene I The begining and end.

On the planet Curisant dark farces are at work spelling the doom of the republic. They have just about finsihed spelling the word "doom" when a space craft lands and Jar Jar Binks, now a general in the Gungan-Naboo army, slops out.

In the two years since his pivital, yet uncessary, role in saving queen Amidala from the clucthes of tax-and-spend Federation types, Jar Jar has become quite full of himself.
"Jar Jar wantin some perfume to be puttin on the feet!" He belows at his servants.
Some Ugnaughts have hitched them elves to his rising star, come out and sycophantically perfume his stinking feet. Jar Jar slaps them away and walks down a long metalic corridor.
As he steps out onto a busy street he falls into an open man-hole (creature hole). He yelps as he falls into the plantes core reactor and is atmoized.

From behind some technical mumbo-jumbo, Darth Sidius chuckles unto himself. Then carefully replaces the man hole cover.

"My plans are approaching their zenith. Moohoo Ha ha!" He says, then fades back into the darkness from whence he came.

Meanwhile Obi wan Kenobi is busy coming to terms with being terminally Scotish.

The End.

Tuesday, June 01, 1999

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace - Addendum #1

Currisant, the capital buildings, Jedi ministry, etc are all totally cool and very well done. The only thinkg that bugged me was the way-over-exposed composite work during the daylight hours in the Jedi chamber. A little too much edge softening for my tastes. I wish they
could have roughed out a little more of the Jedi culture so that the chamber of "Masters?" made more sense. How many Jedi are there? What is all this testing business?

Saber duel both totally cool and aggrivating. The coreography was the best. However the setting was ho-hum seen-it-done-there before. It looked like they went through a warp in spae-time and dropped into the core of Cloud city or the Death star. The setting was totally off from the rest of the city on Naboo. Mike brought up a very good point that they could have used all those cool waterfalls that some poor CGI artist had to spend days working on. Instead we got cat walks and deep holes full of tech-gunk.

Battle droids. They were supposed to be silly and comical and they were. I enjoyed them getting wasted.

Funniest moment in the film: When Tusken raiders take pot shots at Pod racers. Contrary to Mike I liked the announcers of the Pod races. I also chuckled at the notion that Neeson was playing a galactic mini-schindler by purchasing the freedom of a slave.

Amidala and her court of costume changers: Woa this chick has some spendy looking outfits. I again chuckeld at home as I sang a version of of the old Dr. Pepper jinggle. Amildala, your a dala, wouldn't you like to be a dala too? Or stuff like: Knock, knock....Whos there?.....Amidala.....Amidala who?.....Amidala short can you loan me abuck? Here she is, on the run an everything, her people are enslaved and or killed, and she's putting on more make-up and clothing than Roddy McDowell in Planet of the Apes.

Getting back to Kevin Spacey as Gui-Gon Jinn: Picture him playing the role much the same way he played his part in LA confidential. Not you average everyday Jedi. They would have kicked ass. But oh well.

Trade federation is blockading Naboo because Naboo doesn't want to pay taxes? So the federation is like the WTO, not a real country just a bunch of money grubbing beaurocrats that try to force soverign nations into doing stuff that will help the WTO get rich. There is some interesting politics going on here and I wish they come out and explain a bit of it. Would make for a more fun in the end.

Was the story anit climactic? No, not for me. I thought the ending was good. It seems that the next movie is going to be a real downer of a film. They have a lot of time to pass by. Anakin has to grow up and have two kids. He's got to try and save his mum from Tatooine. I predict he will fail and this will drive him into some weird shit with Palpatine waiting for him.

I still think my story makes mroe sence and gells better with the existing three films.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace


Firstly I must say that Mike is probably far more qualified to review this film. He has seen it now five times. But he is not here and I am so here we go:

On a scale of 1 to 10 this film gets a 7. On a purely Star Wars scale it falls into the number 3 spot behind Empire Strikes Back,. Nothing will truly surpass the feelings dredged up in me by the first viewing of Star Wars. Empire is still number two simply because of the way Vader is portrayed as an intelligent bad guy not a cardboard british nazi imperials, of which there are a lot of in Empire and indeed all the movies.

The rating of 7 being given, let us discuss the film proper:

To use some of Mr. Mijo's critique, this film shares many characteristics of a plummet from a c-130. It shares even more characteristics with a person who is strapped to the outside of a SR-71 and then told to hit the after burner controls. I am going to have to see it again just to digest all the stuff that Lucas has seen fit to throw at me. I was half expecting to see a CGI kitchen sink flying toward the screen doing one of those slow accelerating spins. Overall the film was so fast paced that I dare say no viewer is going to get bored with it.

Visual effects: Outstanding, the best there has ever been in any movie ever made. CGI artist better get the fucking academy award for this. I really envy the dudes who got to work on this film. The Curisant and Naboo creators did good. Art direction was Grade A magnificent. This film fits in really well with the other SW films in that is as much a work of visual art as a story. Lucas knows what panavision is for.

This did not look like a fucking TV show. Unlike Starship troopers, that also used big wave attack battle scenes, this movie actually made them work. Pod race was totally cool. Light saber duel was first rate. It makes the first duel with Ben and Darth seem pretty lame.

Music: Aside from the known themes the music was very good though not really operatic as it has been in all of the other 3 films. A mediocre score. It didn't make me want to run out and by the CD.

Jar-Jar? Well he's no Chewbacca but then again who is. I liked him.
Amidala? Solid but a bit of a hypocrite thanks to the orgasmic costume designs. The flick should get an oscar for costume too. Better than Princess Leia.
Qui-Gon Jinn, nice jedi, I wished McGregor could have been offed, but alas there had to be a neo-Kenobi that must die. I guess ol' Jinn will be popping up in a blue glow in the next couple of films.
Ben Kenobi? Not bad but a bit of a dim-wit. Neeson was young enough that he should have played Kenobi. And Kevin Spacey should have played Jinn.
C-3PO, very nice. George! Make him more of a main character! Creepy thinking that Darth Vader was C-3PO's father too.
R2-D2, ditto
Darth Maul: Blah blah blah blah, a storm trooper without an outfit. The dude could use a slight saber but was so fucking thin that I swear I could see through him. The trooper who said, "look sir droids." had more character to work with than this flat scumbag. You could have cut this guy in half with a pair of kindergarten scissors.
Palpatine: A good performance. At least the guy didn't play the bad guy too heavily or the good guy too sweetly.
Mace Windu: Forget that he's Jackson and the character is fine. A bit player.
Anakin: Stable and effective. I know this doesn't sound good but I don't know what else I can say. He's cute in an Adam Rich sort of way. Too bad he's gonna turn into Mr. Evil.
I guess on the whole the characters were good but not really entrancing. They were all better than most other sci-fi characters. I liked the Federation thugs. Oh and the Chancellor Volleron....In my story the Chancellor's name was Vaxer. Both with a V and both were chancellors?

The story: Confusing and not very deep. Depth is not something that Lucas has ever had to worry too much about with his films because the characters as so strong that they can carry the simple story. However this story has only a couple of such characters and the rest I just didn't connect with. So the plot problems surface and are hard to cast aside.

Problem one: Naboo is first blockaded by lots of battle ships. In the end the whole occupation force is disabled by the destruction of only one battle ship? Where did all the rest go?
Problem Two: The motivation behind Palpatine is so murky as to be in comprehensible. Is he doing this to gain power? He he doing this to revenge his kind against the Jedi? What? What does he have on the on the Federation to make them expend so much on Naboo? I guess this isn't a problem if all this gets reveled later on, but I think Lucas could have let a bit more of the cat out of the bag besides one whisker.

Overall effect on me: I loved the film from the standpoint of it being another chapter in the saga. Judging it in the context of a chapter I find that it is a fitting installment.
One point that never hit me until Mike pointed it out was the whole bio-Force connection. This truly sucks and the guy who foisted this bunch of crap on us should have his dick pulled off with pliers. The whole Force thing is mystical., If you try and use psudo-science to reveal it then you cheapen it and reduce it's power. I agree with Mike that the force nanites, was the worst part of the film.

An the positive side this film redeems my belief that the last two films are gonna rock. I could go on about other parts that bugged me but I won't. The over all feeling was one of exhilaration over seeing Sw back on the big screen with all new characters. And despite the weird story I am sure things will clear up as time goes by.

I will be adding addendum's to this review as the Force hits me.

Monday, April 26, 1999

Masterpiece Theatre sucked so bad I almost puked

There are few arenas left to the drab, ponderous, period meledrama.

Masterpiece Theatre is one such venue. Here we are not looking for excietment or laughs. We want a sixteen hour rendition of a Dickens classic or a brooding tragic romance set against the English Civil War. What we don't want, atleast as far as I don't want, is an insipid pirate movie done badly. That is what I had to choke down last night.

Russell Baker, to Alister Cook what beef jerky is to Filet Mignon, tried his level best to set us up with all the approriate historical background. Story takes place during the Glorious Revolution. William of Orange is sacking London and driving James II to his boy toy the King of France.
The Catholics are again in danger of being persecuted by the new Protestant king. The heroine, a bawdy, boring, lustless, little hipocrite, and her two children, a boy that says nothing, and a girl that nearly gets a man hanged just cuase shes pissed at her mom, flee the city to their stately, and really run down, country home in Cornwall. There the lady, forgetting about her husband in London and not caring much for her kids, hithces up with a pirate that is played badly by some french dickhead with long hair. I guess they wanted the Flabio look.

They go about steeling a ship because it's owner had bored the lady at a dinner party. The pirate is captured and is on the way to his justly deserved execution when at the last minute he is saved by the lady. Then both are nearly killed by some court dandy only to be saved from the dandy by the ladies husband who wants to save his wife just so she can leave him and the kids to travel the sea as a pirate. What a bunch of crap!

In the end she does not leave with her pirate bo. She heads back to her estate and lives ambigously ever after with her stuffy and affectionate husband the dandy killer of Cornwall.
What urks me about this movie was that it:

A: stunk as a pirate movie and
B: Stunk as a drama. A pox upon those that made such a skanky movie.

Furthermore I find it incredulous that PBS would allow such nonsensical bacteria to fester on there network. If I wanted to wtch crap I could just as easily turn to ABC.

Friday, April 09, 1999

I was a latino gang member

Here is a rather interesting dream:

I was at home and got a call from Donna who was visiting with you all in this dumpy apartment in on El Segunda Blvd in LA. I was puzzeld at this until I remembered that I hatd a meeting in LA. So I drove my truck down there. It took about twenty minutes of hard driving unitl I reached LA. The apartment complex was dilapidated. I met all of you and Donna plus half a dozen gang members eating taco's in this dark cinder blocked basement. I knew all of them. It was with them that I had my meeting. All night we eat taco's and refried beens from tupperware in the dark of the basement. They wanted me to drive stolen car parts down from Portland. I said okay since it didn't sound life threatening. Donna was mad that I drove all the way down to LA by myself. I informed her that she had done the same the day before. Then we were broke down on a mountain road with the stolen car parts in the bed of the truck. Then I woke up.

My brain has develeoped quite a collection of cool places from which to pick when I have dreams. I have dreams in which the same ficitous buildings are either past by or meandered through. Some dreams, especially the ones where I meander through broken buildings, are quite scary. There is one in particular that I could almost draw from memory, I have been in it so many times. Another building is a collapsed brick building in a cemetary. It is, despite it's macabre local , quite beautiful. This last dream had the basement. The basement architecture is raw cinder blocks, a dry dirty floor, low cieling with rough wood joists over head, a bare bulb in a narrow hall that runs the lenght of the building. It shares it's over all look with what I call the Burroughs buildings of another set of dreams. The Burroughs buidlings are named so because of the fact that I keep running into WIlliam Burroughs inside them. They are always in a rainy park near dusk. He is always tinkering around inside them. Sometimes we go for a drive.

Anyway last night was great because I could actually recal the dream. It' been a while since I had any dream recall. It's nice to know the ol'subcon is still cranking the yarns out. It also seems that the longer I live the more the dreams seem to be windows into a unified alter existance. The color pallet is pretty much the same for al lthe dreams. A person in a dream now may have appeared in a dream of a year ago and is still working in the same job, so to speek. When I was younger dreams had much less continuity. Now the level of continuity is unreal. There is always some part of me that knows that it is a dream. I am never totally engulfed by the spectical. But it doesn't seem to make much a a difference to me.

Just a little dream talk.

Tuesday, April 06, 1999

Hate crime

A guy gets kidnapped, beaten up, dragged behind a car until he dies. The culprits are caught, do to the fact that all sorts of people saw them and they were proud of what they did. They go on trial and are found, no duh, guilty and sentenced to death. This is a hate crime because the victim was black and the two white idiots didn't like the fact the guy was black. Okay so they hated him. Does it really matter what heir motivation was? They committed aggravated murder and are gonna pay. I think the the title 'hate crime' is nothing but a lame-assed attempt by lame-assed politicians to show that something is being done about racism in this country. It is a euphemism and nothing more. An idot burns a cross on your lawn, sue the hell out of them and have them arrested for vandalism and attempted arrson. We get caught up in thinking that if we just come up with the right classification for the crime then we'll send some kind of message to those that would perpetrate such crap. Well it sends no message and the idiots who think that whites are better than non-whites are still gonna be just as idiotic. The dunderheads who come up with such classifications and punishments will argue differently but they are wrong.

It's like saying that the Death Penalty will curb murder rates. Nonsense. For you and me the thought of the death penalty is pretty grim, but then again we won't be committing murder now will we. The people who commite murder, are either depressed, drunk or high, psychopathic, sociopathic, or are doing it to keep from getting murdered themselves eg the mob or gang war. The vast majority of murders in the nation are 'passion killings'. A guy gets drunk, angry, has a gun and shoots his brother in the face. Try and reason with a guy thats slammed tequilla all night long. Or take the Ted Bundy/Jeffery Dommer types these guys don't see other humans as humans, they have zero empathy, they are nuts. Reason with them? The average mob-hitman, the guy knows he's gonna 'sleep wit d'fishes' if he doesn't rub out his buddy. So, in my opinion, the death penalty has nearly zero effect as far as a deterent goes. The only people it will deter are people that arn't going to be committing the crime in the first place.

I once was opposded to the death penalty on general principal. However I am nolonger so sure of my own thoughts on the subject. I would fight to save the man's life should he wish to go to execution. To the criminal who wishes to die I would say that I wish you to live as long as science can keep you breathing. the whole thing is rather ambigious. I do not have a cwalm about removing from society a human shown to have murdered. I think the best deterent to violent crime is a loving family, and a paycheck.

Anyway back to hate-crimes. Is dragging a man to death because he is black and worse than dragging a man to death becuase you wanted to steel his car? If a person answers yes to this question then some psychological counsiling is required. We need to get our punishments down to a moderated, predicatable group. Childabuse is another big problem. There is a person in your house and you kick him unitl he is unconsious. The cops arrest you and charge you with attempted murder? No, because the person is your son and just a baby. Do you lose your custdoy rights? Oh no that would be too bad. They will put you in jail, and the child in a foster family. Then, when you get out, and show your are a good parent, you get the kid back. The problem is that you are a drunk and will do it again. I say that we need to treat all violent
crimes in a simaliar manner.

If a parrent beats a child unconsious, even once, that parent's rights are terminated and the child is put up for adoption, the records are sealed and that is that. I am not talking about child neglect, too many socio-economic reason abound for this. One of Jessica's friends was left all alone in her house for four hours, technically against the law, and her parents make 100grand a year. What I am referring to is continously giving a violent abuser chance after chance. It would be better for the child to be removed forever from that environment.

The foster system sucks too because it is, for a large extent, profit driven. The more kids you watch the more money you make. The kids are bounced around from home to home just at the time when they most need coherrent and sustained family contact. The foster system, in my
opinion, breeds socio-pathic behavior because the children are never allowed to bond with an adult. If, as a child, a human doesn't learn how to bond, the human will lose the ability to bond entirely. The foster system, I think, is a prime reason for violent crime in our nation right up there with poverty.

Life is still good though.

Friday, February 26, 1999

Spectacular Times

Example: Trudy is in the bath tub. She is there because, after her dinner she asked if she could have one. when she wants one she says Bat! So she is in the tub and palying around. She suddenly stops and says, "poop". I ask her if she has to go poop. She thinks for a moment, her eyes searching with her mind. She shakes her head and says "no" I ask her if she is sure. She nods her head and goes back to playing. When she is done with her bath she says, "Tee" This means she wants to brush her teeth. Unless I giver her the little tooth brush she will bitch up a storm. As I dry her hair she will brush her teeth.

20 months ago this life was a new born human that could only cry. I understood, from an abstract point of view, that humans aquire language and critical thinking very quickly. Yet the act of participating in my childs aquisition of such skills is so amazing that there really isn't a word to describe it. And it is almost an overnight transition. In the span of a single month she has aquired the ability to make scentences. Her scentences are not quite like ours.

Here is an example of a Tudy scentence: I noosh, doggy, noosh, hat... doggy!

Translation: I saw a dog with a hat on Wow! (This was in responce to seeing Cooper with his plastic saftey hood on)

How do I know this? Becuase as a parent it seems that I end up learning the baby langauge. I learn it at a much slower rate than Trudy learns adult language. The other thing that is that Trudy understands that a word has different meanings depending on the inflection of it's use.


A simple Daddy, with the Da spoken slower and at a low frequency and the ddy at a quick higher tone means Trudy has a question or wants me to pay attention to her but she is not pissed off.

A Daddy, with the Da spoken long, Daaaaaa, followed by a short ddy means she wants me NOW!

A short Dad! Loud and short means. GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND COME HERE!

She also remembers exactly where all sorts of things are kept. And will show you where they are even if you are not addressing her to help you find them.

I and talking to Donna and asking her where the sippy cup is. Trudy, playing on the floor, suddenly whirls about and goes to the living room. In a moment she is back withthe sippy cup. I never even looked at her when I spoke and she has retrieved the missing article. I am thouroughly convinced that babies are able to comprehend and understand what adults are saying way before they can talk.

The next amazing thing is that she understands how to be devious. If she wants to look over something that she knows she can't have she waits until Donna and I arn't looking then swipes it. She disapears into corners of rooms and quitely looks over the thing she took. The only way I know that she's up to nogood is that she is too quiet. BEWARE OF SILENT BABES!

Overall life is just incredible and my time is so taxed that there are days that I seriously need to plan when I can get to go to the bathroom. Oh and going to the bathroom alone? Well if Donna is home then no problem. But if she is at the store then Trudy has to come in with me. You can't leave a toddler alone, not for five seconds. Even if Donna is home Trudy usually bangs on the bathroom door demanding enterance into my sanctum sanctorum. At some point, about five years of age, she begin to slow her rate of mental aquisition. This is good because if left unchecked, at her rate, she'd be spitting out Grand Unified Theory by the time she's six. It is too bad that all of us adults can't learn at the exponetial rate of toddlers.

The oddest thing is that by the time I understand where Tudy is in her development she is already way passed that point. We are always playing cath up.
As far as dealing with the outside world goes: Well I suppose I'll have more free time in a three or four years. My computer languishes in non-powered deadness in the basment, my backyard is neglected, I have a million projects aroudn the house that I continuosly put off, I havn't let the city since the 4th of July last summer.

Absolutely no dull moments at our house.

Friday, February 19, 1999

Dad has my final layout design and has made some minor modifications to it. We have 30 feet of flextrack. I bought dad what is called CODE-83 track. It looks more realistic than CODE-100 which is the stuff we used when we were kids. There is a product made of styrofoam for elevating track sections and I think we should go in together and get him that stuff. The big expense of track laying are the turnouts. Each electric turnout is 12.95 There are 17 of them on the layout. That is a cost of $220.15. Compared to the cost of the 30 feet of flex track at $31.95 the turnouts are outragously expensive. If I, dad, and you went 1/3 on the switches the cost would be $74 each. I think we should use the existing power packs for now. The cost of all the structures Dad wants is going to be more than the cost of all the turnouts. We can aquire these at intervals of a couple per month. Below is a list of structures that Dad wants:

Lumber Yard
Grain tower
Cattle yard
Freight station
Passenger station
Dual engine shed
Colaing tower
Water tower
Switching control tower
about eight buildings for the town and dock
Cargo crain for the dock

We are going to scratch build the long bridge across the river and the dock area. We are going to use ships dad already has built as they are correctly scaled.

We also need telephone poles, signs, cars, people, and billboard ads.
The ads should be produced by us as should building signs.

Friday, January 29, 1999

I love this world

Don't misconstrue my view of world society as a brick thrown off a cliff with any sense of malaise. I am a happy brick plumeting earthward. Happy happy birck I am. Oh look at the big thing rushing up to meet me! I wounder if it will be freinds with me? SPLAT!

The cannon ball is perhaps the perfect metaphor for all existance. In the begining there is a lot of pressure, heat, fire, noise, drama. Then there is quite a bit of acceleration. Whoosh! Then the whole thing comes to a stop with a big nasty loud bit of destruction.

Thank God I was born in the "Whoosh" phase.

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

Well for some reason I have to review a book. It is a beheamoth. Originally published in 1957. This book is fiction. The author has some farily unrealistic views of the world. Her prime weapon is her Objectivist thoughts as far as what is better for society. I am tempted to refute her 2-D world but I will only they this. She is full of shit. The story is great and I love the characters and I routed for the good guys and dispisedthe bad guys. But her world is so devoid of reality as to fall more into the fantasy area than simple fiction. There are no children, no old, no sick, no discrimination, in short no human qualities to her world. It is a great read. But I think that Ms. Rand wanted to use the book as a venue to espouse her theory of pure self-determination. She equates collective responsibility as evil and the selfish persuit of wealth and power for the sake of the persuit as the purist good. Hitler would have loved her. Overall on a scale of 1 to 10 the book gts a 9 because it is such a ripping read. I would hate to think what an impressionable mind, not grounded in reality, would make of Rand's theory? Some current members of congress come to mind.

City of Angels

Blah blah blah blah. Cage is Cage, Ryan is Ryan. Story is typical. scenes are forgetable. makes me want to take a nap just thinking about it. So many bad movies only so much verbage to spew out. Overall this movie nails the lid tight on the coffin of movie mediocrity. And, let me tell ya', its a mighty big coffin.

Thursday, January 28, 1999

Poems and stuff


Thou art a sinner still for thy food and shit is gained through the money paid you from WIC. Lo
you have reaped what you have sown. And the money you gave the corporations is still out there being used to further corupt the world.

Blouderwise: right back at'chya big guy!

Peom: Thank you for the poem.

Here is a not-at-all nice poem. Please do not share this with your freinds. However it could be shared with a boss you find to be a pathetic slime you wish to dis.

If I were a clerk I'd be a jerk
I'd steel the bosses blind

I'd clog there Lou with a wicked brew
of Brandy and of wine.

I'd toss my ale til' mind went mad
and get into my car
I'd waste no time on being sad
as out the window I would fart.

"Goodbye you old sodding rotters!"
goodbye you fucked up dweebs.
I'll fart in your general direction
and miss you like I miss a nose bleed.