Ha Ha Ha, or Ho Ho Ho..something like that.
Well it is X-mass time again. So who's been naughty and who's been nice?
Well lets look into my bag and see what we have for all the little brats, er, kids this year...
I normally do not want my list to get published, too much chance of getting sued. But seeing as it is the holidays I will relent.
Johnny K. - Well he was a pretty good boy this year. He could have been a cranky boy and maybe even got his parents to get him that Presidential Action Playset. But instead he decided to put the family first. Okay I will give him lots of money, a really cool wife, great kids, and I won't stick him with that poor quality Iraqi Freedom playset. Lots of boys want that playset but the soldiers arms and legs break off all the time.
Georgy B - Well Georgy has been a bad boy since he got everything he wanted this year but was really ungrateful. So he gets the Iraqi Freedom Playset.
He can play with it with that loser neighbor boy Donny Rumsfeld.
This year there are thousands of little boys wanting Lee Press-on limbs and I have had the elves stock up on that item. Along with the GI Joe tripple amputee inaction figure with wheel-chair grip.
For the youth of Portland I have a special item. She's protestor Barbie complete with ti-dye t-shirt, peace sign, and is able to cry real tears when you sprey her with pepper mace. Her arms turn black and blue when Ken the Overeaction Policeman beats her with a club. If your lucky I'll give you Ken the Overeaction policeman. He comes in full riot gear and APC with water canon and enough pepper mace to bring down an adult grizzly.
For those lucky sadists I have the GI Joe Abu Grhaib torture center. It comes with anatomically correct prisoners to abuse. 9volt batteries not included.
For kids who like dolls that do nothing we have either the Senator doll or the Representative Doll. Both are in the Congressional Apathy playset.
Actually this isn't much of a playset since these types of things require imagination and anyone who would want one of these lacks that component.
Lastly we have the Christian hypocrite doll with bible-thumping action.
This doll is built so that at night its face falls off revealing the dark powers of satan.
What will be in your stocking? Well I can't say. Coal is looking pretty good to me. Hell with the price of gas, a lump of coal could get me through the winter without having to rely on the government. Oh yeah they cut that program too.. Fuckers
Santa
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